Seven years ago, If These Walls Could Talk became my way of processing an exhilarating and intoxicating journey into kink, BDSM, and polyamory. The podcast gave me language during a time when I was still learning how to speak honestly about desire. It was thrilling, tender, sometimes messy, but deeply transformative. Sharing that story with you changed my life.
But after the mic went quiet, I needed time to face what hadn’t yet been said…within the podcast and within myself.
Over the years, I’ve promised that Sybil Vane would return. And she is. But I had to pause long enough to ask: who is Sybil now? What is she returning to? What is she no longer performing? What does she have to say? Why now?
The truth is, the time away wasn’t a disappearance. It was a return to self. A season of quiet becoming. I had to do the deeper internal work; grief work, growth work, healing work and that couldn’t be rushed or recorded. I had to learn how to be with my own body and its stories, without the pressure to explain them.
And now, I’m ready to speak from a fuller place.
Your continued love, curiosity, and support through all these years has meant everything to me. You held space for me when I was figuring out how to hold space for myself. For that, I am deeply grateful.
My love for sex, kink, and erotic freedom has now led me to graduate school, where I’m training to become a sex researcher. I’m immersed in the study of gender, sexuality, power, and pleasure, not just as academic subjects, but as lived, embodied realities. And I’m finally ready to write and talk about all of it.
In 2025, If These Walls Could Talk returns in a new form: as a Substack. This space will be part personal essay, part research diary, part erotic dispatch. I’ll be weaving together my lived experiences in kink and polyamory with the theories, questions, and cultural frameworks I’m exploring in school. Together, we’ll look at how gender, sexuality, and pleasure shape our lives—socially, spiritually, and intimately.
This is still about storytelling. Still about asking questions. Still about finding language for what’s felt but not always spoken.
I’m so glad you’re still here to experience it with me all over again.
With love,
